Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Doctor Visit and Talk About Rough

Monday, Zach and I made our weekly trip to Dr. Pohl.....I must say with Zoe, I couldn't wait for the weekly visits. With this pregnancy, I wish he would give me the okay to see him every 4.

I love seeing the baby every week....would not trade that for the world. But seeing him every week, reminds me that this pregnancy is different....and I get a constant reminder from him that I will not get to keep this baby.....I won't get to watch our Grace Baby grow and become the person he or she is supposed to be. It is so bittersweet. This whole pregnancy is. Be positive....be positive!

This week, the baby's heart rate was at 155....so great! Having a great heart rate week after week makes me question what this "fluid" is affecting. I know we are still early on....but sadly I want some answers. I know it is not for Dr. Pohl to go into all the specifics on everything going on with our Grace Baby. He gives me scenarios of previous cases of his...trying to relate them to mine. It just depresses me because not one of his previous patients is holding their baby now. Breaks my heart for all those mothers and that I could be one of them.

We danced more around me having an amnio done. I need your prayers...if I get one, it needs to be done before I am 22 weeks. I am 16 1/2 now.

I go to the specialist on Monday....another one of those bittersweet things. I hope he can help me understand more of what is going on.

Today was ROUGH! I don't know why today was different than any other.....I have been doing really well in my opinion. I cry just about every day at some point, but I am entitled to that. Different things just constantly ran through my head all day....things no mother should ever have to think about....things that make me want to crawl into my bed and never get out because then this all will be real......Is this all real?!?!

I called a friend today to check up on her because she suffered a huge loss this past week. But selfishly, I just needed to hear her voice....be comforted by her words...the words only another mother can say. I sobbed and she listened. It was just one of those days.

I want to leave you with this.....I know this Baby is only going to bring good to this world. Grace Baby already has! God works in ways we can't understand, but what I do know is that He does nothing without reason. And from what I am seeing already....this Baby is such a blessing, not only to my family, but to everyone who knows our family and has opened themselves up to listening to our story. No matter how rough things get...I go back to the good that can come from it all.

These words really helped me today....I hope they do the same to you!

Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good;
love one another with mutual affection; anticipate one another in showing honor.
Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.
Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the holy ones, exercise hospitality.
Bless those who persecute (you), bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all.
If possible, on your part, live at peace with all.
Beloved, do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
Rather, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head."
Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.

Romans 12:9-21


Courtney Long said...

Thinking of you and praying for your strength and Grace Baby.

Wish You Were Here said...

Love you and Zach. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. You know how special Zoe Jane is to us...our granddaughter's little cousin. So Grace Baby has a special place in our hearts as well. Prayers are being offered up for you all also at our Church.

Katie Klohn said...

I just said a quiet prayer for Grace baby. My God daughter is getting ready to become a Big Sister at the end of October and her parents were faced with a similar situation. They are older, 37, and their doctor suggested that she have an amnio done simply because of her age and the risk for chromosomal issues. I loved her answer when she told me about that situation and she said that God wants her to have this baby and he already created her. Even if there was an issue they were still going to love this baby just as much because it is a gift from God. Continued prayers for you and your family!

Caroline said...

I'm praying for you all and so are my prayer warriors!!!