Friday, July 30, 2010

Doctor Visit and Advice

Tuesday, Zach and I headed to the doctor to get our weekly check. Each week, we will be going in to check the heart rate and my condition, I am assuming.

Grace Baby’s heart rate was a strong 177, so proud! I was so happy to hear this because Dr. Read had said one of the effects of all the fluid could be it hurting the heart. Not as of now. All the fluid is still present…it looks like a halo around her body. All my vitals checked fine, too.

Dr. Pohl discussed a ton of “what ifs” with us and answered all the questions I had from my specialist visit. I am so glad that I already have a relationship with him. He respected me and how I wanted to deliver the first time around….he was patient with my body and let it progress naturally instead of wanting to rush things. He listened to me and wanted the best for us. And I feel that he wants the same the second time around. So I trust him! I trust in what he says, what he suggests, what he thinks…that he does these things for the best outcome for our baby.

But I place all my Trust in God and what His plan is for us. If He wants our Grace Baby, He will have her. If He wants the fluid to disappear and for her to be a healthy baby here with us….He will make it happen. My heart aches for those who put all their trust in doctors….they don’t have all the answers! And because of this…some can never be at peace. I am, right now, at peace.

We are taking things week by week!

Now on to the advice….since Zoe is now sitting up on her own, naps have become a whole lot more challenging. She just sits there and cries! The whole separation anxiety thing has hit full force the last couple weeks. I totally thought I beat it….wrong!
So….Do I put more things in her crib to play with until she just conks out? Do I just let her cry and fall over in exhaustion? Do I go in and pat her and sing to sleep….EVERY TIME?!? I am okay with any scenario….Just wondering what you all have done to get through this time. This too shall pass.

And let me say a humungous THANK YOU to all of you! I can just feel all your prayers surrounding us. And I cannot express enough how much this means to Zach and me. We are so blessed!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Big Week!

We have had a very big week in The Phillips' House!

Zoe is waving!
Zoe is clapping!
Zoe is standing holding onto things!
Zoe is sitting up from being on her tummy!
All in 1 week! So exciting!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Whatever You're Doing

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly


Music moves me....I have said it a millions times! I have heard this specific song so many times, so many that I know every word....I know almost every word to every song that plays on my radio station moves me.

Hearing this today moved me to tears....I have finally gotten to a place where I am not crying every time I start talking....only when I get a really great hug. I just can't help it. But these were effortless tears. It is amazing when you open yourself up to listen, the things you hear.

Over the last couple days, I have had a lot of time to talk, to listen, to rest, to cry, to think.

Thinking brought me back to about 1 1/2 years ago. I was living in Gulf Shores, newly married but ready to start trying to start our family. My sister in law told me about this blog that I had to read. It was a story of a woman; a truly beautiful, Godly woman, who was going to have to say goodbye to her daughter. I am sure most of you have read this blog, Bring the Rain. It was a time in my life that I was low in my faith. This woman was AMAZING to me. What a strong, beautiful woman. I read her blog as if it was the best book I had ever read....I told my family to pray for her family and Audrey. I sat in front of my computer everyday until I was done....sobbing...praying....sitting in disbelief at the strength, yet honesty of this woman. I admired her...I still do.
Did God lead me to her? Did God want me to read this woman's beautiful story of faith to help me grow in my own faith? Did God use her and her crushing situation to bring me closer to Him? Did God have a greater plan in this whole situation that I didn't realize at the time?

Did he start preparing me then for now?

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life. Something Heavenly

Sanctus Real - Whatever Your Doing

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Where Do I Begin?

First, let me start by saying thank you to everyone who has been praying for my little family. I have felt every one of your prayers and ask you to continue.

This is a LONG ONE!

SO…..I am pregnant! Yay for us! We found out on June 25th….day before my birthday…by pregnancy test after a long early morning trip to the bathroom with what we all like to call “Morning Sickness”. We were ecstatic….and a little sleepy. I showed Zach the test and we just held one another, full of joy. He then asked if I wouldn’t mind him going back to sleep. We are talking 4:00 in the morning…so I didn’t mind. Me, on the other hand, I laid there, eyes wide open, imagining what our life would be with 2 under 2. There was a little bit of freaking out, but much, much more excitement.

You always hear moms and women, in general, talk about “having a feeling”….well I did. Many. I had a feeling I was pregnant sooner but completely denied it to myself. A couple things that happened while I was pregnant with Zoe had happened in the past couple weeks. I just was like….no way I am pregnant. I even started to take my temperature in preparation for NFP (natural family planning). But God had other plans.

We were so excited to tell our families….and knew 4th of July would be the perfect time. Zach’s mom and my sister were in town and it was just great timing. As you all saw, we got quite a reaction. No one, I didn’t feel, was very surprised. Everyone knows Zach and I are crazy about kids and love our family…everyone assumed it would be soon. Everyone but me and Zach…hahah. I asked everyone to keep things quiet for a little while until I visited the doctor. I blamed it on me being embarrassed that I didn't know how far along I was....but unfortunately...I just had a "feeling" something was not right.

Our first doctor’s appointment was on July 12th. We went as a family and it was just one of those moments I will always remember. One, there is nothing quite like seeing your child for the first time…just beautiful. And two, to get to share this moment not only with my hubby, but to also have my little Zoe squealing and giggling the whole time just made my heart melt more. The first thing the doctor said was “wow you are far along.” I had a “feeling” I was. On the 12th, I measured 12w1d and my due date is set for January 23rd. I couldn’t believe it, but at the same time figured I would be that far along. The doctor continued to check out the baby as I just starred at the already developed feet, toes, fingers, the heart beating. My second child is just beautiful!!!!

The doctor informed us that he detected some excess fluid around the baby’s abdomen and suggested we see a specialist in the very near future. I was taken aback, but had heard many times before of this “fluid”. So I didn’t want to completely freak out just yet. He went on to explain that the fluid around the abdomen can be a good indication of Turner Syndrome. Turner syndrome is only found in females…so I feel like we are having a girl now. It is when one of the X chromosomes is missing and this affects the baby more physically then anything. As much as it pained me to think that this could affect her later in life, it was not the end of the world in my eyes. I would still love this baby with all my heart, do everything I could for her and she would know she was loved! No doubt about it!

We told our family the news and the appointment was scheduled with the specialist, Dr. Read for July 19th. Even though things weren't looking perfect, we started to tell everyone about our beautiful baby number 2, and I made the official announcements on the blog and facebook. This baby deserves all the excitement! Even though we knew our road would possibly be a bit bumpy, I was still ecstatic and couldn’t wait to tell the world!

Over the past week, I have been showered with prayers, kind, encouraging words, and I just was confident that nothing the doctor told me would make me love this baby any less….so bring it on. I went to my appointment yesterday and got to see my baby again. It is just instant love. I saw the technician first…so awkward. She wouldn’t answer any of my questions…so I just laid there watching my baby move all around. The heart rate was 165. Soon after, I saw the doctor. He started to look at the baby and then began explaining.

He , of course, spoke a ton of huge words to me, so he might as well have been speaking French. He explained that something was probably wrong with the chromosomes and he would definitely agree with Dr. Pohl in that our baby would have Turner syndrome or Downs…something of that nature. He continued to talk about the fluid and that it is not only in the baby’s abdomen but now surrounds its whole body. I asked what this meant and he said that the survival of this baby is slim. He said that babies with this much fluid have about a 98% chance of not surviving. He also informed me that the neck measurements are a good indication to doctors that the baby is growing steadily and that it is “normal”. Normal, for this point in time, is 3mm. Our baby is measuring 10mm. He also stated that the baby’s legs looked abnormally short, which could mean a fatal type of dwarfism. I am sure there were more flags, but he ended with saying that it was still early on and things can change. Dr. Read suggested we see him again in 4 more weeks. He suggested also that I see Dr. Pohl every week.

So that is where we are.

Telling my family was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. My sisters are just such rocks for me and to hear them both just break down was so hard. My sister Kaitlin is my prayer warrior and had a reoccurring thought the other day of “Grace” during her prayers for our little one. She asked if she could call this baby her Grace Baby. Is that not just beautiful? Our Grace Baby!

I am an emotional wreck. The smallest thing sends me into complete break downs. Luckily, I have the most wonderful baby girl to bring me back to my senses. I was okay with something being wrong. I was expecting to hear that my child was going to be “different”. I did not expect to hear that I might not even get the chance to meet her. It just blew me away.

Last night, as I am sure you can imagine, sleeping was really hard. Kaitlin sent me a text saying that whenever the New Testament speaks of suffering, God’s glory is always revealed through it. That Christ’s suffering revealed God’s immense Glory! She also suggested I read some verses, so I dug right in to my Bible.

Romans 8:18 I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us.

1 Peter 4:12-13, 19 Beloved, do not be surprised that a trial by fire is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you. But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly…As a result, those who suffer in accord with God’s will hand their souls over to a faithful creator as they do good.

No one ever said life is easy and God doesn’t have to give us an explanation as to why He does what He does. His plan is PERFECT! I continued to read, just where ever I felt called to and I turned to Psalms.
Psalms 62:6-9

My soul, be at rest in God alone,
From whom comes my hope.
God alone is my rock and my salvation,
My secure height; I shall not fall.
My safety and glory are with God,
Trust in God at all times, my people!
Pour out your hearts to God our refuge!

I have decided to pray this everyday for the remainder of my pregnancy for my Grace Baby. I know in all of your lives, these verses can be applied, so join me in this prayer, if you feel it in your heart to. Prayer is so powerful! And He listens to every word!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

8 Months Old

• Zoe is about 16 pounds
• Zoe takes 4 bottles a day, every 4 hours and eats 3 meals in between.
• Zoe takes 3 naps, anywhere from 1 hour to 2 hours long.
• Zoe wears size 3 diapers and 6-9, 6 month and 9 month clothing.
• Zoe giggles all the time and has a little squeal at the end of her giggles.
• Zoe has lots of blonde hair and can wear toddler size bows! Big Milestone.
• Zoe has 2 bottom teeth.
• Zoe has big, big blue eyes
• Zoe is getting really frustrated that she isn’t mobile. • Zoe sits up like a champ.
• Zoe got her first big boo boo this past month.
• Zoe loves older kids!
• Zoe is a Mommy’s girl.
• Zoe hates to be thrown in the air.
• Zoe loves to swing and loves her new swing for our house.
• Zoe did not really travel this past month, which was a nice break.

• Zoe spent the night away from home and Mommy and Daddy for the first time this past month.
• Zoe is eating table foods. Some big firsts this month were chicken, waffles, pasta, and I am sure her Daddy threw in some other foods that I wouldn’t approve of.

• Zoe is almost able to drink from her sippy cup all by herself.
• Zoe is rocking back and forth on her knees.
• Zoe loves to play peek-a-boo.

• Zoe is learning the phrase “Not in your Mouth”….because all things tend to end up going there. • Zoe dislikes her carseat more and more. I can’t wait to switch and turn her around.
• Zoe no longer sits still when getting her diaper changed….I have to bribe her with a toy.

• Zoe still loves, loves the water.
• Zoe is an extremely easy baby and so happy.
• Zoe totally cheeses it for the camera…Mommy taught her well.

• Zoe loves to go to the grocery store and ride in the cart.
• Zoe had lots of visitors this past month.
• Zoe has started to pull up on Mommy and Daddy and shown a lot more interest in standing.
• Zoe dances the “Hot Dog” dance every morning and loves music.
• Zoe loves to hear Daddy’s voice over the phone….she smiles the whole time. • Zoe talks a ton! She makes almost all sounds.
• Zoe tugs at her ear and sucks her thumb when she is ready for night night.

• Zoe’s favorite thing to say is “da-da”.
• Zoe’s favorite toy is a remote or phone.
• Zoe tries really hard to sit up from a laying down position.
• Zoe sits in her new highchair for all her meals. • Zoe has some rolls and chubby cheeks….Finally!
• Zoe loves to point at things with her pointer finger.
• Zoe loves to throw items off of the couch, the table, her high chair, whatever and see where they go to.
• Zoe is going to be a BIG SISTER!

Things that have helped me survive this month:
  • As I am sure you can imagine, life at The Phillips' House has been a little bit crazy. And really all I could do this month to help me survive was to SLEEP....any time I found a chance to. I have never been so tired in my life and I hate that feeling. So maybe the laundry was a couple days late, or the floor wasn't swept, or the flowers weren't watered....and now might be dead....oppps. But I got SLEEP! And that is all that matters!
  • Zoe got a pretty bad boo boo on her nose, as you might have seen in pictures. Poor Baby. Aquaphor was AMAZING in helping to heal her nose without scarring. I swear by that stuff!
  • And I have I told you all lately how much I miss having the internet at home....I am sure I have! Many times! But more to come on our exciting news!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Is it really JULY already!?!

I mean really.....Time Flies!
We had an awesome weekend celebrating the 4th with our family. Chrysti and the girls were in town and Zelda and Katie Beth came, too! We had a house full and it was great!

Saturday, Zach and I hosted everyone for dinner. Well, everyone came to our house, but my mom and Zelda way to do things! And later Zach made an awesome fire to make smores in.....the girls loved that!
Sunday, we headed to my parents club for some pool time and lunch. It was such a gorgeous day and so much cooler than what it has been lately. Zoe, once again, loved every moment of being in the pool. She is such a fish.
After the pool, we all went home and took naps and then headed to Taco Mac for dinner before fireworks!

I love my family!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Such a Planner

I am pretty sure since about November 15th.....give or take.....I have been planning Zoe Jane's 1st birthday. Not kidding. I love birthdays! I love Christmas and other holidays too, but Birthdays are MY FAVORITE! That is your special day.....all yours! And I want my baby to feel so speical on that day ever year.

This year....we will probably be celebrating Zach and I surviving more than Zoe (haha), but I want it to be special for memories sake.

I am quite a planner. If I see a good deal or something that I think would be great for the party.....I get it! I have bought her dress, the favors, the plates and napkins. I have already been talking to the wonderful Dessert Box (aka my Mother and Sister in law) about what kind of cake we will be having and looking for pictures of what I want. We have picked a date! I am looking more into invitations....not sure if I will make them or buy....depends on time. I love to entertain....and I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Please tell me I'm not the only one! Heck....I know I am not....woman thrive on this kind of stuff!

Only 4 more months

Thursday, July 1, 2010

#82 Go See a Midnight Movie

and it was a GREAT ONE!

Tuesday night, I met my friend Michelle for the midnight showing of ECLIPSE! So worth it! I loved it. I was a little bit disappointed with New Moon, so I wasn't sure what to expect......but it was great! I, unfortunately did not finish this book. I had every is even on my 101 in 1001.....but I started reading it when I got pregnant and it seemed impossible to even keep my eyes open at times due to being so tired.

There was a lot I liked about this movie though. There was so much more humor! And going into it I was ALL TEAM JACOB! I mean could you not be. But through the movie....Edward was such a gentlemen and won my heart...haha.

I would definitely suggest you see the movie if you like a good romance. I loved it!