Thursday, October 18, 2012

Be Still

Is it weird that I still have bad days?  You always hear...healing takes time...yes it does.  It has been a little over 2 years since we said our goodbyes but see you agains to our son....and I still become a sopping mess at times.  I still break down at the thoughts of what could have been.  I still talk to him and pray to him.  I still cry at the sound of his name.  I still hear a song and have to park the car because I can't see well enough to drive from my tears of rememberance.  I still pray for my emotions and my healing....

This week or so has been full of my Oliver.

It started with the email about the Annual Remembrance Walk for the unborn and then followed by the text "Are you going to the Remembrance Walk on Saturday?" I knew it was coming...and emotionally I can't get myself to go.  It is so strange to me how at times I am all about facing the emotions and at other times want to run and hide...pretend it isn't my life.  I don't want to go to the walk...something about it breaks my heart and I just don't want to go.  I have a baby shower to attend Saturday and it sounds much better to me to celebrate the new life of a beautiful little girl then the cry over my precious son.  I feel I can better celebrate his life by rejoicing in new life.

And then...Zoe becomes obsessed with our Oliver Lion...I mean obsessed.  It goes everywhere with us.  She even drew on him...which might have sent her to time out...but her drawing was definitely out of love.

Next was this...something so simple....something I saw while mindlessly pinning away on Pinterest.  Oh my goodness the pain...I never doubted, not once, that all the pain I have felt and continue to feel will be for glory.  I still believe that we all carry our own cross, whatever they be, and they are ultimately for God's glory.  How else are our crosses manageable?

But while lolly gagging on the pinning site and creating my never-ending boards, I saw this and truly felt God screaming at me!  Do you ever feel screamed a good way?!??!
These two words mean so much to me.  Mainly because I felt these words being screamed at me about 2 years ago, lying in bed during an unbelievably difficult time.  I heard "Be Still...You are not alone."  and I will never, ever forget it.  Be Still.  So seeing this ring led me to go back to all my posts of my time with Oliver.  I am so beyond grateful I have in writing a time I can barely remember in thoughts.  I cried so much today revisiting my past, revisiting my days with my baby boy.  Like I it weird I still have bad days?

I just wish I knew what God meant by these words....Be Still!  I guess He will have to scream at me some more!

Oh, what a week!

Sunday, October 14, 2012


On our family trip to Pigeon Forge, we got to visit Dollywood on Friday afternoon and all day Saturday!  We had a blast and I know we will be going back in the future...the kids and my Big Kid of a Hubby all had so much fun!

 We definitely had a stroller brigade.
 Dollywood had a wide range of rides and entertainment for everyone age!  There was a fun kids area with obstacles that Zoe, Kendall and Carson just loved!

 And there are a couple water rides...we all had fun on this one!

 And there was an entire kids section!  It was so nice to have something that Zoe could ride...and they all had such a great time!  I was nervous about Zoe on the little roller coaster....but she had a ball!
 Once she got off, she was ready for the next ride!

 We had really good intentions with this ride...Zoe had a different thought.  The minute she went up the first time...her smile went down!

 But by the end of it...she was ready to ride it again!

Evan got to ride a ride too...the joy this kid exudes just melts my heart.  He smiled the whole time!

 Last but not least, we rose around on the Carousel.

After the kiddy rides, the big kids got to have some fun!  I rode a roller coaster for the first time since my 18th birthday.  I am not too keen on heights this day....but I survived to tell about it....and had a lot of fun!  My stomach was a different story!
The long weekend went way to they always do!  It was so wonderful to getaway with some of our favorite people!  Can't wait to have another family vacation!
 What made leaving a little bit easier was we got to ride home through the Great Smokey Mountains...and it was just stunning!  

It is so nice getting away, leaving the day to day routine of life...even if for just a couple days.  So good for the mind and soul!  Can't wait to do it again!

Friday, October 12, 2012

A Relaxing Morning

It is not often that when our family gets together...we don't have a jam packed planned weekend or week!  Our first morning in the mountains, we took our time and it was really nice!  The kids all got to play and the adults got to enjoy some coffee before the busy day ahead!

Morning Snuggles!

 This kid is on the go!  He loved having the stairs to practice on....he did so good!

 And I think it is just instinct to jump when there is a bed!

 Pillow Fight!